New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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