a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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