too bad you live with your parents still
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
