so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
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I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
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My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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