While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize