Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
