If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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