He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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