my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
false alarm, still single
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
