I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
