How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
