we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
