Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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