i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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