I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
