Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
