he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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