When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
