I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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