lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
