I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
