I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
