so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
