he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
