I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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