My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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