I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
