It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
this will be a night to untag.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
