So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The best revenge is premature balding
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
