He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
