Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
