we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I will be naked everywhere
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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