Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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