My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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