My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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