In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
