if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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