8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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