Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
