I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
