oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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