so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
