At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
