38 yer olds are good kisserssss
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
