Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
