the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
