Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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