I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
