we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
