I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
