im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
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I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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