So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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