I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
