Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
