I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
