no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
