just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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