never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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