Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you had me at cake vodka
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
