Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
