he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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