i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
