1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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