Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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