And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize