Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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