If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
